


The Art of Saying Goodbye

by you_cannot_define_me



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst and Feels, Avengers Endgame, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Compliant, Goodbye Tony Stark, Peter Parker Feels, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Says Goodbye, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Death, Tony Stark Feels, Yet Another Angsty Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 07:32:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18633649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/you_cannot_define_me/pseuds/you_cannot_define_me
Summary: Thanos has been defeated. In the aftermath of the final snap, as the price of victory is realized, Peter cries, and tries to say goodbye.





	The Art of Saying Goodbye

He couldn't have known.

He had been gone for years, trapped and unable to do anything; he _couldn't_ have known.

But he still said sorry.

It was a desperate word for him. He knew, of course he knew, that it wouldn't put things back to how they were before Thanos. Before everything, before the snap--of course he knew that those things were irreparable and permanent. That didn't change anything.

He vaguely recalled saying the same words, the same desperate apology, as he had faded away the first time they had faced Thanos. He said them then to ease some of the guilt, although that guilt wasn't entirely his. He still felt that he had some share of it; but the guilt he had hoped to alleviate was not his own.

This time, though...he did feel truly guilty. It could have been him. He had held the gauntlet, clung to it as the fighting raged on around him--and what good had he done? In the end, it hadn't mattered, because he was still losing the person he had most hoped to save.

And there was now such an emptiness in that man, who had been so full. Full of life, of energy, of intelligence--of love. Love that Peter, as he sobbed and looked on helplessly, realized that he desperately wanted again. It had been five long years. He'd gotten a few seconds. He just wanted more.

Suddenly the words he'd been using seemed too distant. These would be the last moments he would have, the last words he could say that might send this man off with some semblance of peace. Peter wanted them to mean something.

So the words "Mr. Stark" faded into the past as Peter looked into the dying eyes, which were still clinging to a spark of life, because all that would be said had not yet been said. Indeed, the distant words faded just as the light in those precious eyes did, and instead were replaced by what Peter had always wanted to say.

"I'm sorry, Tony," Peter whispered through the tears.

He was sorry that the two of them couldn't have more time. Sorry that he couldn't do anything to change the price of the one future that continued past Thanos's return. He was sorry that it had to be now that they said goodbye.

Tony couldn't say anything out loud. But Peter understood. In those eyes, which he knew he would never forget--how could he?--he saw the reply.

"It had to be this way, Peter. It was always going to be. It's ok."

He would hear these words over and over in the coming months; but they never sounded right when they were spoken. They always sounded hollow, empty, like a shell missing what was inside.

That, Peter realized, was because Tony's eyes were also saying "I love you."

And it was all wrapped up in the word "Goodbye."

It was never spoken, but it didn't need to be. Nothing needed to be said. They knew, everyone there knew, and that was why they were there. Those who couldn't know to the same extent kept their distance.

Tony was surrounded by people who loved him when he died; people he loved in return.

But that didn't make letting him go any easier. Or at least it hardly felt like it did.

Peter hoped, as time went by, that he would find peace. That he could think of Tony and not begin to cry; that he could hear Karen's voice, and think of Tony programming and building the 104th iteration of his spider-suit, and be able to put it on anyway.

But it would not come easily.

Was there more he would have said? No. No, because Tony knew. Peter was certain of it. That offered him a small, a very small, bit of solace.

But he wanted more time.

He wanted more time to say goodbye.

Goodbyes should be said over years, spent getting older and knowing that time doesn't allow things to last forever, but letting the inevitable pain get diluted by the space in between.

Goodbyes should be said in the small moments, in the thoughts of a legacy and consideration of the future, in the inscriptions on a new robot that say "for Peter".

Goodbyes should leave nothing wanting, no sense of rushing, no feeling of hurry or lack of time.

Goodbyes should be lived.

But Tony had to die.

It was this thought that stayed with Peter for a long time.

He cried. He cried a lot--he cried for Morgan, because he knew what it was like to grow up without a dad. He thought he might be a good almost-big-brother to Morgan; but without Tony there, it would be a lot harder.

He had just wanted peace. Why did peace have to cost him his life?

Peter wondered this often.

He hoped to find the answer, eventually. But deep within himself, he knew that it would not come. Some things do not have a reason, they must simply be. This was one of them.

It had always been Tony. From the beginning, it had always been Tony. And Peter would have to learn to accept that.

But for now, he couldn't. Now, he looked into Tony's eyes one last time and tried desperately to convey the life he would have lived. To let his entire being become a goodbye; so that it wouldn't feel rushed, but could just be.

With all the infinite parts of himself, Peter said "Goodbye." And nestled deep within, they both knew, were the words, "I love you."

With that, Peter let go; he let Pepper go to Tony and comfort him, release him, set him free. The arc reactor flickered and its light dimmed, fading to nothing. It seemed like it was over.

And the world's fight was. The Avengers' fight was. He wished he could take part in that peace, but Peter's fight was not over. His pain did not flicker and fade; like an open wound, it sat in his heart and did not diminish. It would be a very long time before it did, that much he knew.

But he knew one other thing. Tony's fight was over, too.

Peter looked at Tony and knew that Tony had died at peace. Although his eyes were open, Pepper had led him to a place of rest. There had been more he wanted from life, of course--more time with his daughter, and Pepper. A family. But he could never have had peace. Not if he had ignored his duty.

He had known for years what would happen. It had always been him. It was inevitable.

He was Iron Man.

And he was dead, but his mission was finished. He had not wasted his life. He had saved everyone. And because of that, he was able to let go; to stop fighting, to die at peace.

Peter hoped he would be able to find a fraction of that peace. He couldn't quite believe that he would.

But pain is far outlasted by love.

And it was love that would live on.

**Author's Note:**

> Rest in Peace, Tony Stark. Thank you for being our light. It is your love, that powered that bright heart of yours, that lives on. Thank you for inspiring us all, for inspiring me to continue, to be better. Thank you for always doing what you needed to, and showing me that I have the strength to do that, too. We will remember you. I love you 3000.


End file.
